Sleep Divorce: Why More Couples Are Choosing to Sleep Separately in 2025
- Phoebe Walsh
- May 28
- 9 min read
A sleep divorce refers to a couple's decision to sleep in separate beds, rooms, or even on separate floors of the house in order to improve the quality of their sleep. Despite the dramatic name, a sleep divorce isn't about breaking up. Instead, it’s a practical response to chronic sleep disruptions that can harm health, mood, and even the relationship itself.
In the UK, this trend is on the rise. According to one study, around 1 in 6 couples admit to regularly sleeping apart to get a better night's rest.
Why Are Couples Opting for Sleep Divorce?
The reasons vary, but the central theme is sleep incompatibility. Here are some of the most common triggers:
1. Snoring and Sleep Apnoea
Snoring is one of the biggest culprits. According to the British Snoring & Sleep Apnoea Association, over 15 million people in the UK snore, often to their partner’s frustration. If snoring is due to sleep apnoea, it can be both noisy and dangerous.
2. Different Bedtimes or Wake Times
One partner may work early shifts, while the other prefers late nights. Clashing sleep schedules can make sharing a bed more disruptive than romantic.
3. Restless Sleep or Insomnia
Tossing and turning, getting up frequently, or being a light sleeper can all interfere with the other person’s sleep. Insomnia, night sweats, and sleep anxiety are commonly cited factors.
4. Different Sleep Preferences
This could include preferred mattress firmness, room temperature, noise levels, light exposure, or even how many pillows are used. These subtle differences often add up.
5. Children and Co-Sleeping
Some parents temporarily sleep separately when one partner co-sleeps with a child or attends to night-time wake-ups more frequently.
6. Health or Mobility Issues
Illness, injury, or accessibility needs may require one partner to have a specialised mattress, adjustable bed, or quieter sleep environment.
What the Research Says About Sleep and Relationships
The idea of a sleep divorce might sound drastic, but research increasingly supports the notion that quality sleep is fundamental not just to individual health, but to the health of a relationship. Here’s what the science shows:
1. Poor Sleep Impacts Relationship Quality
A landmark 2013 study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science found that sleep deprivation is linked to increased conflict and reduced empathy in romantic relationships. Couples were more likely to misinterpret each other’s intentions and become emotionally reactive when one or both partners were sleep-deprived.
2. Women May Be Disproportionately Affected
Research from the Journal of Women's Health (2020) noted that women in heterosexual relationships were more likely to report disturbed sleep due to their partner’s movements, snoring, or bedtime habits. The study concluded that shared sleep arrangements can have a “gendered cost” to sleep health, potentially exacerbating stress and mood disorders in women.
3. Couples Who Sleep Well Report Better Relationships
A 2020 review in Sleep Health, the journal of the National Sleep Foundation, found a clear association between sleep quality and positive relationship behaviours, such as gratitude, affection, and better conflict resolution. The study’s authors stressed that “sleep is a shared behaviour and plays a foundational role in couple functioning.”
The Pros of a Sleep Divorce
While unconventional, many couples report improvements in both sleep quality and relationship satisfaction. Here’s why:
Improved Sleep Quality
Quality sleep is non-negotiable. It impacts everything from immune function to mental health. Separate sleeping arrangements can mean fewer disturbances, leading to deeper, more restorative rest.
Reduced Resentment
Constantly being woken up can lead to low-level irritation and tension. Sleeping apart can neutralise this and bring a sense of relief.
Better Relationship Dynamics
Some couples find that having their own space actually increases affection. It creates a new rhythm, like dating again, where physical closeness becomes a choice rather than a chore.
More Freedom and Customisation
Each person can set their own temperature, choose their preferred mattress, and adopt their ideal bedtime routine without compromise.
The Problem with Sleep Divorce
Of course, sleep divorce isn’t a cure-all. It comes with its own challenges:
Perceived Intimacy Loss
For many couples, sharing a bed is symbolic of connection. Sleeping separately may feel emotionally distant or even signal deeper relationship issues if not discussed openly.
Miscommunication
If one partner initiates the sleep divorce without mutual agreement, it can feel like rejection. Open dialogue is critical.
Societal Stigma
There’s still some taboo in admitting that a couple doesn’t share a bed. Friends and family may misunderstand the decision.
Is Sleep Divorce Right for Every Couple?
Not necessarily. It works best when:
Both partners value sleep and wellness
There’s open communication and mutual respect
The decision is framed as a practical solution, not a punishment
It may not work well if:
One partner feels abandoned
It’s a cover for deeper emotional or relational issues
Physical touch is a key love language and the separation becomes emotionally painful
According to sleep expert Dr. Julie Smith:
“It seems a shame to resort to sleep divorce to get a good night’s sleep when neither of you would otherwise choose to sleep apart. So, if one or both partners are disturbing the sleep of the other, it makes sense to work out which of your habits around sleep might be making that worse. The good news is that many of these bad sleeping habits are fixable, without having to resort to sleeping apart.”
Alternatives to a Full Sleep Divorce
Before committing to separate bedrooms, couples might want to try intermediate steps:
1. Sleep Accessories
White noise machines, blackout curtains, anti-snoring mouthpieces, or adjustable beds can make shared sleep more manageable.
2. Split Bedding
Using separate duvets, weighted blankets, or mattresses with different firmness levels can help cater to individual needs.
3. Occasional Sleep Divorce
Some couples only sleep apart when one partner is sick, on an early shift, or particularly restless.
4. Sleep Coaching or Therapy
Sleep therapists and couples’ counsellors can help navigate both sleep disruption and relational dynamics more holistically.
How to Approach a Sleep Divorce Constructively
Step 1: Have an Honest Conversation
Avoid blame. Focus on health, energy, and mutual benefit. A statement like, "I’ve been feeling so tired lately — maybe trying separate beds for a bit could help us both?" can open the door.
Step 2: Set Boundaries and Check-Ins
Define when you'll see each other for intimacy, whether you'll have shared mornings or nights out, and how you'll revisit the arrangement.
Step 3: Keep Physical Closeness Alive
Don’t let separate sleep become emotional distance. Continue to cuddle, kiss, and show affection in daily life.
Step 4: Reassess Regularly
Check in every few weeks. Is the arrangement helping? Is it still needed? Re-evaluation keeps the decision collaborative.
Final Thoughts: Sleep Divorce Doesn’t Mean Relationship Divorce
At its core, a sleep divorce is about prioritising well-being. A good night’s rest can fuel better communication, affection, and resilience. If sleeping separately is the key to better health and a stronger relationship, there’s no shame in embracing it.
In today’s world, with snoring on the rise, stress disrupting sleep, and sleep disorders more common, finding realistic ways to optimise sleep is more important than ever.
For some couples, that means sleeping apart. And that’s okay.
Frequently Asked Questions About Sleep Divorce
What is a sleep divorce, really?
A sleep divorce is when couples deliberately choose to sleep separately—whether in different beds, rooms, or on separate floors—to improve sleep quality. The term sounds dramatic, but it’s not about ending a relationship. It’s a practical solution to ongoing sleep disruption. The concept has gained traction in the UK, with surveys from the Sleep Council and Dreams reporting that up to 15% of couples regularly sleep apart for better rest.
Is sleep divorce a sign of relationship trouble?
Not necessarily. While some people worry that sleeping apart means emotional distance, studies suggest the opposite may be true. According to a 2020 report by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, couples who sleep better are more likely to report higher relationship satisfaction. In many cases, sleep divorce improves communication, affection, and intimacy, especially when the decision is mutual and open.
What are the health benefits of a sleep divorce?
Improved sleep quality can dramatically enhance mental, physical, and emotional well-being. A 2021 review published in Nature and Science of Sleep found that sleep deprivation is associated with increased risks of hypertension, diabetes, anxiety, depression, and weakened immunity. By eliminating sleep interruptions, such as snoring or restlessness, sleep divorce can help individuals achieve the recommended 7–9 hours of restorative sleep.
What does the science say about sleep disturbances caused by partners?
Partner-related sleep disturbances are well-documented. A study in Sleep and Biological Rhythms (2020) found that co-sleeping often leads to fragmented sleep, especially when one partner snores or moves frequently. Another study from Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine concluded that the presence of a snoring partner reduced sleep efficiency and increased awakenings in the non-snoring partner.
Can snoring or sleep apnoea be treated without separate beds?
Yes. Mild cases of snoring can sometimes be managed with lifestyle changes (e.g., weight loss, alcohol reduction), positional therapy, or anti-snoring devices like mandibular advancement splints. If sleep apnoea is suspected, a formal diagnosis via a sleep study and treatment (usually CPAP) is essential. In some cases, treating the snoring root cause may make a sleep divorce unnecessary.
Are there psychological consequences of not sharing a bed?
It depends on the couple. While some miss physical closeness, others thrive with separate sleep. According to a 2018 study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, sleep quality is a better predictor of relationship satisfaction than bed-sharing itself. However, for couples where touch and closeness are important (i.e., when one partner’s primary love language is physical affection), separate sleep can be emotionally challenging unless offset by intentional intimacy elsewhere in the day.
Is sleep divorce more common in certain age groups?
Yes. Middle-aged and older couples are more likely to adopt sleep divorce arrangements, especially when chronic conditions, menopause, or age-related sleep issues (e.g., nocturia or arthritis) interfere with rest. The National Sleep Foundation has noted that people over 55 are increasingly embracing separate sleeping arrangements for health reasons.
What are the risks of a sleep divorce?
The main risks include emotional disconnection, miscommunication, and stigma. Some couples may interpret separate sleep as a withdrawal of love or intimacy, especially if the move isn’t mutually agreed. Additionally, societal stigma can make some people reluctant to discuss their choice openly. Relationship therapists suggest regular check-ins to prevent sleep divorce from becoming emotional divorce.
Can sleep divorce help with insomnia?
Potentially. If a partner's movements, snoring, or schedule is contributing to fragmented sleep, sleeping separately may reduce these triggers. A 2019 study from Behavioral Sleep Medicine noted that co-sleeping can exacerbate insomnia in light sleepers or those with sleep anxiety. Sleep divorce, paired with cognitive behavioural therapy for insomnia (CBT-I), may offer a comprehensive solution.
Is separate sleep still considered "normal"?
It's becoming more common and more accepted. In fact, a 2022 survey by The Sleep Foundation found that 12% of couples in the UK have separate bedrooms. Among new builds and luxury real estate, so-called "snoring rooms" or "flex bedrooms" are now a common feature. The key is open communication and framing the decision as sleep-optimising, not relationship-defining.
Should couples ever hide a sleep divorce from their children?
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Some couples prefer privacy, while others are transparent, especially when modelling healthy communication and boundary-setting. Experts generally advise that if children are old enough to notice, it’s better to explain the arrangement simply—e.g., “Mum needs a quiet room to sleep well”—than to let them assume there’s conflict.
Can couples still be intimate if they don’t share a bed?
Absolutely. In fact, many couples report better intimacy post-sleep divorce. Why? Because affection becomes intentional rather than automatic. Setting aside time for closeness—whether it’s cuddling before bed, shared morning routines, or scheduled “sleepovers”—helps maintain physical connection. For some, absence really does make the heart grow fonder.
Are there alternatives to a full sleep divorce?
Yes, several. These include:
Split duvets or mattresses: Especially popular in Scandinavia, this setup reduces motion transfer and temperature conflicts.
White noise machines: Effective for masking snoring or outside noise.
Sleeping at different times: If bedtime schedules clash, staggering sleep routines might help.
Occasional separate sleep: Used as a flexible, situational tool (e.g., when one partner is ill or stressed).
Therapeutic help: Sleep coaches or relationship therapists can help identify triggers and test alternatives before resorting to separate rooms.
Is sleep divorce ever a red flag?
It can be if it's used to avoid emotional issues or intimacy. If one partner initiates sleep separation without dialogue, or if it becomes a source of secrecy or resentment, it may indicate unresolved tension. Sleep divorce works best when it’s an openly discussed, mutual choice with the aim of improving both sleep and the relationship.
What’s the long-term outlook for couples who adopt sleep divorce?
Many thrive. Couples who maintain physical closeness, clear communication, and intentional connection often find that separate sleep is a net benefit. A growing body of research shows that how couples sleep matters less than how well they sleep. In the long run, prioritising rest may be the key to preserving, not jeopardising, romantic connection.
What do sleep specialists recommend?
Experts like Dr. Wendy Troxel, senior behavioural scientist at RAND and author of Sharing the Covers: Every Couple’s Guide to Better Sleep, argue that prioritising sleep is foundational to any healthy relationship. As she puts it, “Sleeping apart isn’t the death knell of intimacy—it can actually be a lifeline.” The NHS also recognises chronic sleep disruption as a risk factor for mental health issues, reduced immunity, and poor cognitive performance, emphasising that sleep quality should never be sacrificed out of obligation to bed-sharing.
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